What I Can Handle.

Growing up, I was always told that God would never give me more than I could handle. I felt confident when I was nine years old, too small to understand grace, and my dad left our family. I was scared when we packed up all of our things, moved across the country; I remember watching the West Virginia mountains roll past the minivan windows, tears slipping down my cheeks. I liked that God felt safe, trustworthy. He would never push me past my limits. But then I got a little bit older, and I started hearing something new: God will definitely allow me to go through more than I can handle on my own, but He is strong enough for it all. That truth helped me to feel emboldened when my father died when I was sixteen, my heart absolutely shredded by grace. I couldn’t get out of bed some mornings, but the nights were worse, as voices inside my head whispered that my life was no longer worth living. I liked that God felt strong in the midst of that; He felt courageous. He was more courageous than me, and He would always protect me and empower me.

I believe God is both of these things, safe and strong, trustworthy and courageous.

But recently, my understanding of what God will allow me to go through has been challenged yet again. In Exodus 13, the Israelites, led by Moses, have just left Egypt. They are running for their lives from the Egyptian army chasing them because fickle Pharaoh changed his mind about letting them go.

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.

This passage caused me to ask the question: what if the Israelites had returned to Egypt?

I fully believe that God would have still delivered them. I know Him, and I know how badly He wants His children for Himself, so I trust He would have found another way. But can you imagine even more generations of captivity? Can you imagine even more waiting? (They had been waiting generations for this. The longest I have ever had to wait is a few years.)

There was a shorter path for them to take. They could have escaped the Egyptians more quickly, but the Lord knew that the shorter path was not necessarily better. He wanted them to reach the Promised Land, so He took them on the easier route.

Granted, it probably did not feel easier. They had to walk through the desert for longer than they needed to. Maybe their children complained about sores on their feet or about their skin burnt by the desert sun. But God did not risk letting them change their minds by shortening the length of the journey or by taking them a more difficult way. He did not expose them to war because He wanted them to reach His promise. He wanted to give them a great gift. He wanted to be with His children.

Life has not always been easy, and things that happened in my past remain treacherous, somehow. I’m still grieving the loss of my put-together family and my dad. I was in the thick of it, but I was not in the thickest of it. Because maybe the Lord would have lost me if He put me through the thickest, and He is not willing to lose even one of His children. He is always fighting to save His flock, to bring all of His sheep back to pasture.

words by Lilli Ferry and photo by Sarah Mohan