A Moment Closer to Him.

It's that time of year—you know, where everything starts getting so hectic that you don't have a second to breathe. I feel exhaustion and stress taking hold of me worse than they ever have before. Usually I'm good at pulling myself out from under the hold of stress, but this year it's been nearly impossible. I'm finding myself sick of all the things I've always chased after, and that scares me.I'm reminded how selfish we college students can often be. Even when we choose the dreams and the goals that, we hope, will be for the glory of God, we incessantly get caught up in the idea that we know exactly what God wants us to be doing. Now, I think we also can have the unique ability to truly desire God's glory, and we often give back to Him to the best of our ability. But we forget, stuck in the flurry of stress and grades and classes and dreams, that nothing matters except Him. I feel myself forgetting it so often.Over the last couple of years, I have grown to be a more free person. At some point, I gained a small measure of abandon and confidence that I can only chalk up to the entrance of real joy into my life—the kind that only God gives, that you can't attain, that He just gives and gives because that's who He is. I feel myself crying out for that abandon now, for the reckless moments where I feel the closest to God and can stand under the sky and appreciate my smallness and insignificance better. I have found that joy comes when you are distracted from yourself, overwhelmed by all that He is. The joy I have found through all the things I've loved is fun, sure, but it isn't whole. It is encountering Him that brings wholeness and peace.Oh, how I need a moment closer to Him.And you know what? Full disclosure, I haven't had one in ages. I haven't spent any significant time distracted from myself over the past couple of months. I'm a complete mess of trust-grappling, stress-infused, sweatpants-wearing dependence.What a relief.How good to realize how small I am, to appreciate that again in a more desperate way, because if we aren't desperate then what's the point? If I have it all figured out, why am I so convinced that God is the most important reason for all that I do?So anyways, sorry to unload some emotion on you. But if you resonate with my sense of exhaustion, know that a moment closer to Him is probably what you need. And even if that doesn't happen right now, even if it doesn't happen soon, even if it's only five minutes of closer to Him, revel in that realization that you do need Him. There's no way around your mess.

"For thus said the LORD God, the Holy One of Israel,'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.'"Isaiah 30:15

words by Kailin Richardson and photo by Delaney Young