He is Near.

In your joy-filled exuberant moments, He is near. In your frightened stone-cold moments, He is near. In your painstaking, alone moments, He is near.If the Lord is teaching me one thing (and He's teaching me lots) it would be that He is always near. He is closer to His children than their very breath. He notices when our hearts become heavy and hardened from life's experiences. He sees how our faces light up and crinkles form around our grinning faces when our hearts are full of joy. He knows all and sees all. And further than this, He wants us to notice Him in each of these moments.I've not been good at noticing His presence lately. Being a wife of a little over two months, a first-time employee at several organizations, and a full-time pastor's wife while no longer being a full-time college student has been a large pill to swallow in such a short time. But these are empty excuses to my Savior who has been standing before me with His hand reaching out just waiting for me to take it and rest in His presence.My soul has been so overwhelmed by the world and so underwhelmed by Him.Whether it was impatience with my husband, Jacob, or the heavy burden of insecurities that press down on my mind to the point of losing truth—I began noticing that something had changed.In the past few weeks, I have studied my behavior to watch more closely for when these events happen and what leads up to them. I watched and watched, waited and waited for something to click in my brain to let me know why I felt like my world was just a haze before my eyes.But when that didn't work, I got still. I got silent. I was crushed in spirit and could no longer feel the coolness of water pouring from His spirit. It was in that stillness that I turned back to where it all starts; God's Word and prayer. These two things I had forsaken for too long, and I had forgotten their power. Honestly, a part of me has been so saturated by lies that it has been hard for me to believe in the power of prayer and spending time reading the Bible. It is an ongoing process for me to daily replace the lies with truth and promises that God has spoken over me. Replacing those lies is a painful process at times because it is literally like removing a parasite out of its host. The host, at times, has been sucked dry of life and health, and when the parasite is removed, the host is left very vulnerable and unhealthy. When we have lies that have been making a home out of our hearts and minds, and then the lies are asked to leave and instead be replaced with truth, it can be very painful to us. Though good and needed, it's still painful because a lot of baggage and past events must be dealt with in order to truly let the truth reside abundantly in us.So, for me, this process involved starting to journal to God again. As I started journaling my prayers, I realized I had a lot of unfinished business just floating around in my heart. I talked to God about my feelings and thoughts. I told Him of the distance and the burden I felt. Little by little, I have seen the decay of lies fall away. By talking and being real with the reality of this season, God is starting to unwind the chains that have been clutched around my spirit. The more I look for God's promises, the more I find Him and see that He is faithful. The more I wait for Him instead of forcing or faking something, the more special His presence is.Through every little moment, I am learning just how dependent on Christ I am. I was uncomfortable with this for so long, but now I see that that is how it is supposed to be. We are supposed to rely on him for everything, not just when our flesh feels in over its head.So, it might not make sense to you why I entitled this, "He is Near," but I just want to make sure that the message I am proclaiming today is clear: even though you feel He is far, He is near, and you just have to invite Him in.He is near. He is near. He is near. I continue to remind myself of this every day as I am a sojourner on a narrow path that ultimately leads to everlasting peace and a home made for me in glory.words by Joy Payne and photo by Leah Van Otterloo