We are at war.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm."
Ephesians 6:10-13
This has been a particularly raw year for most of my world, however small it might be. I've watched heartache slowly bleed into the edges of every one of my friends' lives while doing my own mostly-unsuccessful scramble for peace.
The other night, I found myself alone in my room with the lights out as the sun went down. One minute, I was watching a TV show, the next, I was sobbing and frantically plugging in the strands of lights around my window, desperate for the weight of darkness over a physical space to go away. I picked up my Bible and read as best I could. I opened my journal and began writing verses and notes in between.
At one point in this past school year, I was so close to God. I saw Him working everywhere, even when it was hard, and I was careful to seek Him out and try to decipher His will. And then I slammed into a wall. At what felt like the height of my relationship with Him, it was like He vanished. His words did nothing for me, the things that I loved because they were filled with Him slowly drifted away, and I could not get them to matter anymore. When I talked to Him, I didn't even know what to say except where did You go? What had I done wrong to distance Him from me?
After encountering Ephesians 6, my journal entry continued, and I began writing down words I didn't really have the energy nor the strength and peace of mind to think up. Now, I write them here in the hopes that, even if the truth itself feels wrong to someone alone in the dark, these words might help you hang on.
And it makes sense, at the height of passion, at the fullness of desire for Him, during these days when we are the ones who hope most, who are becoming ready to do great things for Him: this would be the moment the enemy attacks. And it makes sense, that after we have massive victories, now is when he would attack. It makes sense, because he does not need such heavy weapons to defeat the weak. He needs them to defeat the strong. So it makes sense, see, that he attacks right now, because, right now, you are his greatest liability.
If God had left you behind, the enemy would not attack this hard. If God were not on your side, the opposing side would not latch himself onto you and use his whole weight to drag you down. You would not be worth his time. If God did not love you fiercely, there would be no sides, no battle inside of you. If it feels like everywhere you turn, you are attacked; it is because you are at war. It is because you have not lost yet. It is because your God is fighting for you, just as He promised. You are at war still, and that may be the most encouraging thing you'll encounter today. You are not lost or left behind. There is a promised Victor in this war. He is fighting for you.
And He says to wake up, prep for battle, and head into the fray, armed with His strength and promises. You are not defeated: the defeated do not continue fighting. And when you cannot fight any longer, He is fighting for you. I do not know what that looks like. I do not know when He will pick us up again. But I do think, just maybe, I am a part of the devil's weak spot.
And so he attacks full force, where the walls are crumbling.
The walls are crumbling.
words by Kailin Richardson and photo by Arianna Taralson