Navigating Mental Health in Church Culture.

As a person whose family has a lengthy history of depression and anxiety, both conditions of genetics and environment, I think it’s really important to understand and raise awareness. It can be really difficult to navigate such conditions in faith communities due to the stigma attached to mental health struggles. I know this struggle all too well and felt prompted to share my story in hopes of creating a space where others can feel safe and understood.I personally have been predisposed to anxious tendencies from age 9 on. It’s something that very few people would know upon meeting me, or even after knowing me well. I have always functioned highly through anxiety, to the point that I could barely recognize that I was anxious - thanks to repression - until it was severe. From ages 10-12, I suffered severely, even to the point of feeling suicidal from the overwhelming weight of carrying something so heavy, especially at such a young age. God met me at rock bottom and delivered me, genuinely, on my mother’s bed as I cried out for Him to either take me or heal me. After that, I was relatively anxiety-free from ages 12-18. In 2016, I experienced a 3-month bout with anxiety, the result of undealt with triggers from my past. I’d wake up with my heart racing and remain that way until my head hit the pillow and my dreams carried me away. Again, I experienced deep healing, in a small grocery store where a friend prayed with me for a few hours until I walked out free.Fast forward to now. 3 years later, 21 years into life. Massive and unpredicted life changes occur, and I suppress the emotions to the point of supplementing panic attacks. My major trigger is feeling out of control of my life, and that’s what October brought me this past year. A few gigantic unknowns in areas that were once so sure and set in stone. I spiraled, hard. The past 2.5 months have been the hardest of my entire life. That is not an understatement. I can also say they have been the most fruitful months of my life, because Jesus is really sweet and never lets ashes remain ashes - He always turns them into beauty.Either way, my mental health has been sub-par lately. The panic attacks I experienced in my healthy season, though few in number, were so violent and traumatic that they shoved me into PTSD. And PTSD is no joke. They prohibited me from living life normally and performing daily tasks like driving and being at home alone. Both of those things bring me peace and joy when my mind is at rest. But those were the two places I experienced attacks the most memorably. The experiences of trauma were so visceral that I thought I was having a heart attack, way more than once. They would happen out of nowhere sometimes, other times building up like the clicking as you slowly approach the top of a roller coaster. They were terrible and scarring.I only recently visited my doctor about it all, because of the stigma. I have been told that people who struggle with mental health aren’t “strong enough” mentally to push through, and that it’s all just in their heads. I’ve heard churches preach that anxiety is a form of unbelief. I have been told to fear medicines that were created from plants that God made that can help the symptoms because it’s “not faith.” But here’s the thing: healing is a process for most of us. I’ve experienced both instantaneous miracles in this area of my life and drawn out processes that include therapy, medication, mental exercises, reading scripture, etc. It’s not a one-size fits all kind of thing either.And not everyone who struggles is a war veteran or someone who is noticeably hurting. 1 in 6 people around you are on medications for these kinds of conditions and 1 in 4 go or have gone to therapy, which means that there’s even more people out there who need help but haven’t had access to it or been given permission to believe they need it. It’s not abnormal. And we need to eliminate words like “crazy” from our vocabularies for these kinds of struggles. Instead, we need to give people a sense of humanity by listening to them and loving them where they’re at - and see them as people, nothing less. I genuinely believe that healing is available for all, and that no condition is incurable, because I believe what Jesus says. I’ve also seen “incurable” diseases healed with my own eyes and in my own body. It’s simply important to remember that it doesn’t look the same for everyone, and we mustn’t strip anyone of their humanity by making them feel less human for having a condition that’s twice as common as asthma.I want to encourage everyone to spread a little more love and tread with more caution and mercy. Seek out empathy and practice compassion in the likeness of Jesus. It was He who said “Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Then come to me” (Matt. 11:28). And to all who are struggling - know that you are not alone. You can and will make it through this valley. There is no shame in asking for help, whatever that looks like for you. Obviously within wise reason and what is actually healthy for you. But don’t be shamed into believing that your condition isn’t real or worthy of your attentive care. It is your health, which means it has priority and can be made more healthy. Just don’t ignore it. Nurture yourself. And if you’re not struggling, nurture others. As Christians, we are still human. God, in familiarity through Jesus, is not angry or averse to our pain or struggles. We all have them, and it’s about time that we rally around one another. Healing is available for us all, and I believe that more often than not, it is communicated through community. May we all seek to be a little more kind and a little more vulnerable in 2019.words by Olivia Douglas and photo by Arianna Taralson