How to help when you don't know how to help.

A lot of people I love are hurting right now.They’re in pain, stuck, in between, facing losses I can’t even imagine, sick, tired, lonely.Lately it feels like one thing after another is coming down the pipeline of life for those around me.I’ve been there, too. I've been the person getting hit from behind by the blows of living in a fallen world. I’ve been in the in between. I’ve lived in the moments you don’t want to live in, the days that stretch into weeks and months that you wish you could leave behind in only seconds. I’ve been there.But right now I feel like I’m on the outside looking in, wondering what to do.The classic enneagram two, all I want is to reach out and help everyone in my life who is hurting. I want to fix. I want to mend. I want to find a solution. Looking for a way to cripple a two? Make them feel helpless, like there’s nothing they can do, like even their prayers are useless.Because that’s how it feels sometimes.The last thing I want is for these words to come off as prideful, for it to seem that I believe I have the ability or responsibility to save the world. I don’t, and I can’t do either of those things nor am I being asked to. But I do want to work out how I’ve been feeling here on this page, hoping to come to a conclusion that not only benefits you and me but honors Jesus’ intentions as well.Because I don’t think Jesus wants us to feel helpless in these moments. I don’t think he wants us to feel immobilized. And I know for sure he doesn’t want us to feel like our prayers are useless, because he hears every barely audible whisper (1 John 5:14).I think Jesus would say that these are the moments when we’re made to be his hands and feet. We were intentionally set aside to be full in the days when our friends, brother, cousin, coworker, spouse, mom, are running on empty. Just as they were there when we were at our lowest, so we should be there for them when they are at their lowest.But Jesus never stopped with knowledge of a thing. Like, okay cool, you know the right thing to do; you got that nice, warm fuzzy feeling, so just stick with that. No. Jesus was about knowledge that leads to action. What’s the next step we take to act on what we now know? We know we should be his hands and feet when our people are hurting, but how do we actually do that? How do we help when we feel helpless?We’re (or at least I'm) probably overcomplicating something that’s so simple: Just be the friend, spouse, coworker, daughter, random person on the sidewalk you would want to have in those moments when your life is the one being thrown into chaos.Be a constant. When so much of your people's lives is in flux, be the safe place they can come back to again and again. Show up. Come over. Watch your favorite TV shows on the couch if that’s what you do every Tuesday night. Don’t try to change just because you want to help. Just be.Listen. Like actually stop talking, stop offering advice your person may not want, and just open up to what they have to say. Take it all in without judgement or having to tell them what you would do or have done in that situation.Pray. It isn’t wasted. Believe that.Cry with your people. Laugh with them. Celebrate the littlest of wins and the biggest milestones. Romans 12:15 tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” I hope to be the person that feels so deeply for those she loves that this would become my natural response.Lastly, remember. Remember when you were the one who was anxious, lost, sad, lonely, sick, desperate, and in between. Look back and look into the eyes of the person in front of you and remember when you were them and they were you. Be the person you needed back then and the person they need right now.How to help when you don’t know how to help? Be like Jesus. As simply, gracefully, and honestly as you can. He’ll be right there with you.words by Kaylyn Deiter and photo by Kailin Richardson