Perceptions.

It is no secret that we are living in a day and age where technology is leading and, more than often, consuming our days. There are so many ways of communicating with each other, so many ways of connecting with people all over the world. There, of course, can be some good to come out of these new ways, but lately…lately I’ve felt some of it causing me some breakdowns. There’s this thought, or this fear rather, that I’ve been carrying around with me these days and well, I’ve found it to be rather challenging. It’s preoccupied my mind a bit if I’m being honest here. These days I’ve been carrying around this worry of how I’m being perceived, of how what I’m putting out there is being translated, and if it’s being understood in the way I intend it to be.I constantly find myself wanting to explain - explain feelings, thoughts, reasoning, etc. - especially in the situation of an unanswered message, or when I am only given a little space to explain a lot of thoughts and a lot of feelings and a lot of hopes and dreams. Words on a screen leave a lot of room for misinterpretation and leave it up to the reader or recipient to decide the tone in which they’re read. Words on a screen don’t always leave a lot of room for grace or the condition of one’s heart, unless it is a novel in length, which social norms don’t typically prefer.You see, I like long messages and long phone calls and detailed stories about even the every day. I like big tables with big breakfasts where the conversations never end, where we get to touch upon all of it - from the past to the present and even the dreams for the future. And letters, long letters. Don’t even get me started on how long letters are the way to my heart.I’m beginning to realize how I have this fear of room for misinterpretation or assumption, or this fear to be misunderstood. I crave to be understood. I crave for my intentions and my heart to be known. I don’t want to be perceived as something I’m not trying to be. I want to be known for who I am, as scary as that may seem. But I think what’s even more frightening is how much I worry about what they think.But you see, when I seek the quietness, when I finally get myself to sit down and turn it all off, Jesus reminds me. And oh how thankful I am of the way He reminds me. The Lord knows my intentions. He knows my heart. He knows how I’m human and how sometimes it gets messy. But the good news is how He is in each and every situation, no matter how sticky or messy or confusing it may be. He is in all of it. And He can and will work in it; I just need to let Him in. If my intentions are pure and pleasing to Him, oh how I have no need to worry.It’s so easy to feel very awakened to the everyday life situations that feel so real, so heavy, so human. These situations are the ones that don’t go my way, and as I try and try and try to take control, I am reminded that I ultimately have no control at all. This is when I encounter my human self. I find myself like Jacob in scripture, trying to escape from what feels like a mess I’ve created (Genesis 27:41-44). But that’s when I truly encounter God. I read these words the other morning - “Surely, the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it” (Genesis 28:16). I was immediately reminded of who I am and who God is. I’m reminded that me worrying about how I’m being perceived or interpreted is not my job. The Lord is in control and it’s His role to work in these situations and work in the hearts and the understanding. Perhaps you are like me - I crave for people to understand my sense of humor, I long to be understood. And far too often do I forget the fact that not only does someone fulfill all of that completely, but that that someone is Jesus Himself.words by Megan Sauers and photo by Shelby Bauer